I remember when I thought people in their 20’s were adults. Now all of my friends are in their 20’s and everybody is just kind of fumbling around bumping into each other, trying to figure out where the free food is
I feel so unlike myself. So disconnected. I’ve moved the most significant things of my life to the very bottom rungs of concern, and the most trivial things dominate my attention and efforts. Every night, I light candles all around my room and turn off the lights and lay there for at least three hours. Then I wake up at 7:59 sharp every morning. I’m not sad, I’m not upset, I’m not lethargic. I just feel so un-present. I don’t know the source nor solution.
Thoughts run freer when night settles —I suppose that’s why the things you tell yourself before you fall asleep are the worst.
What a journey life has been. So many tests, and so many I have survived. So many gifts and blessings, and so many that I have lost or given up. So much pain that has been rewarded greatly with strength, or with more pain. Most people tell me that life will never go the way I plan. But then again, most people wouldn’t understand.